OPINION by Tegan Reeves

Sometimes you think you want something, until you get it, and then you realise that you no longer want it. Like when you order steamed dumplings at a restaurant, and your friend orders the fried ones, and you’re all like, ‘mmm, dem so gud and crispy, mine be all soggy and shit’. Or when you receive that dress from ASOS in the mail, and try it on, only to discover that you are probably half a meter shorter, and half a meter wider than the model on the website, and you ain’t looking all that banging. Or when you end up with your year 9 crush naked in your bed – almost ten years later.

Picture this: You’re out at a dodgy establishment, and it’s nearing two in the morning, when you lock eyes with a stranger across the room. Turns out this person is no stranger, but that boy you used to message on your Nokia 3315 in year 9, but never sealed the deal with. Amazingly, he recognises you too, even though you now sport some pseudo-lesbian haircut.

Half an hour later, the two of you are back at your house, in bed, naked, when you realise that you don’t actually want a bar of this guy, or this guy’s bar. But for some reason you feel compelled to have sex with him anyway, despite the fact that you had far too many beers, and you need to sleep so you can get up for work in the morning. So you lie there, star fishing as he fumbles around awkwardly.

After a while of this you drift off into a peaceful slumber, that is only hindered by the fact that your ankles are around your ears. You think about the guy you asked on a coffee date earlier in the week. You think about your ex, and whether he is enjoying himself in Greece. You think about the last guy you had sex with, who was much more skilful than this oaf in your bed.

After a while, you’re woken from this daze by the oaf telling you to ‘suck it’. You politely decline, suggesting that there is no chance of you achieving any level of an orgasm, so perhaps he should hurry up and do so himself. Heeding your advice, the guy proceeds to ejaculate all over your chest. With no prior warning.

There are three disturbing things here:

1. This was me last weekend.

2. That a guy thinks he can talk to a girl like this, whilst having her in one of the most vulnerable situations an individual can be in, and lastly, most disturbingly

3. That I felt it was easier to have sex with someone, than to just say no.

This is not the first time I have had sex with someone because it’s been easier to continue the deed, rather than say no, and face the few moments of awkwardness that will follow. So why is it easier to let someone else use your body for their pleasure, while you just grin and bear it?

This is not a gender issue — it is simply an issue of self respect, or lack thereof. This wasn’t rape. It was just a case of me being too lazy to communicate what I really wanted. So next time you find yourself in a situation like this, tell them what you want, what you really, really want. Let’s up the self respect.

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